Funny and Sadistic Relatives

My baby brother got married this weekend in a lovely ceremony.  The reception was a blast.  Man, I haven’t laughed so hard in years.  Even the DJ said we were his most fun crowd.   Of course, sometimes he thought we were cheering over his music choices, but no.  We clapped and yelled every time someone had to go to the restroom. 

We’re uh, mean like that. 

So, we were joking about chair dancing and one of our friends said he wanted to take a chair onto the dance floor and have his wife dance around it.  We were laughing pretty hard over the image when my mother said something smart and he dared HER to do it. 

SHE DID IT. 

My mother danced around his chair.  Her friend joined after a minute, so he had two women boogieing around the chair while he just pointed his fingers and chin back and forth.  Then my sister, who is a FANTASTIC dancer stunned us all with her moves and danced with the best man who had the bride’s elastic garter around his head. 

(My brother had crawled under his new bride’s dress to remove it with his teeth.) 

As we were leaving, my ten year-old son did the worm across the entire dance floor.  The DJ announced he’d be signing autographs afterward.

I danced with friends, watched my parents dance together, danced with my father.  It was just genuinely wonderful. 

Until later.

After all this, the whole family ends up at my parents’ house.  I’m talking more than thirty or forty people.  We’re all sitting around in different areas of the house and a bunch of women end up down in what used to be the pool room.  We’re sharing stories and of course, laughing hysterically over something one of my aunts had printed from an email.  We start talking about health stuff and I bring up a sleep issue I’ve been having.  I have several aunts there but one of them shushes the room and holds out her hands.  “Give me your foot.”

Oh no.  I’ve seen what happens to others who’ve trusted their feet to her.  I’ve managed to spend years avoiding this torture.  Last night I caved.  I don’t know why.  Maybe because chronic insomnia, while useful for a writer for a while, tends to blur life after an extended period of time. 

My aunt is a reflexologist. 

No, that’s not entirely true.

She’s a reflexologist and A SADIST WITH INCREDIBLY STRONG HANDS and a knack for finding your body’s problem areas by sending you into a haze of pain like nothing else! 

I’m talking pain, people. 

I was yelling and holding onto the back of a chair.  Everyone came in from outside and the kitchen.  They gathered around to enjoy the show of torture.  Seriously.  They poured drinks and carried the party on around me.  She found my problem areas and honed in.   I’m gasping while squirming to get away.  Someone brings me wine and I can barely get the liquid past the screams and tears.  When she hit certain spots, I came up off the chair and yelled very non kid friendly words.  The aunt merely smiled and told me my thyroid is causing me problems. 

I could have just told her that already! <g>   

But I have to say, I slept wonderfully.  I still woke up at three-thirty, but I slid back to sleep and didn’t wake the other two or three times.  Today, I am so relaxed, it’s amazing.  There is something to this reflexology.  You can read about it here.  I was thinking I’d never put myself through that again, but I really do feel well today…  With a clear head and a free day, I hope to get my critiquing caught up and get some writing of my own done.  😉

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About Rinda Elliott

Writer.I love unusual stories and credit growing up in a family of curious life-lovers who moved all over the country. Books and movies full of fantasy, science fiction and romance kept us amused, especially in some of the stranger places. For years, I tried to separate my darker side with my humorous and romantic one. I published short fiction, but things really started happening when I gave in and mixed it up. When not lost in fiction, I love making wine, collecting music, gaming and spending time with my husband and two children. I’m represented by Miriam Kriss of the Irene Goodman Agency.
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8 Responses to Funny and Sadistic Relatives

  1. The dancing sounds wonderful. What a fun time. Now the foot thing, I don’t think pain is good, but I’m a chicken. Carol

  2. Sunny Lyn says:

    omg – I have just howled over this post. Had a piano student (little old lady who was a Jehovah’s Witness whose lesson was immediately after my one little old lady from the Church of God) who was a reflexologist, and she grabbed me and did that just before one of her lessons one day. Surprised me how it worked – but ow, the pain.

    As for that wedding and your family (shaking head here) – fun crowd as usual. 🙂 I’m glad you had a great time. My best to the new couple.

    AND…you never did tell me – why wasn’t Christy at OWFI??????? Was she sick?????

    hugs,
    Sunny

  3. relliott4 says:

    It does work, but man, it’s really hard during. I had flash backs of pain a couple of times today.

    My aunts are absolutely wonderful people. And this one, with the strong, strong hands is one of those people who makes you feel good just to be around her.

    Well, she did before this anyway.

    Heh heh. Just kidding.

    Christy isn’t sick–she just had too much going on and couldn’t swing it this year. 🙂

  4. Ouch! But, I would let her torture my toes if it would somehow release my belly fat. That woud be worth it. 😉

    Glad to hear you had a fabulous weekend with your family. And congratulations to your baby brother!

  5. Pingback: My CP Gave Me A Disgusting Nightmare « The Write Snark

  6. relliott4 says:

    Heather, maybe we should study this belly fat release through reflexology more.

    For those of you willing to try, I must recommend. I actually slept the night through last night!!!!!!!! Oh my, it feels wonderful to wake with energy and a desire to kick butt all day.

    I bet it gets easier with each time you have it done. Bet you could get addicted, too.

  7. relliott4 says:

    I must say, I feel bad about one of my particularly bad non kid friendly words. Normally, I don’t. But uh, there were kids there.

    And now my lovely aunts probably think I’m a foul mouthed wuss.

    They’re half right. Which half I won’t admit.

  8. Julia says:

    While I usually don’t do such brasen things – I don’t like someone telling me I won’t do something. Pat dared me. Thank you for not going into the whole dance thing. It was a great time.
    I must admit it was funny in a way watching you bounce all over the chair while Aunt Sue torchured your feet, but being your Mother I did hate you having pain. I am happy to hear you slept better.
    Christi’s dress was to die for and she was breathtaking. Your brother could hardly contain his drowling. haha…They are in Mexico on their honeymoon. Lucky dogs….
    I will be married 41 years this June 10th – I ain’t never had a honeymoon….Dad’s cheap… No, the truth is he won’t leave our dogs or kids for any length of time, me neither….Our Basset and Beagle, have never known they are dogs. We won’t tell them because it would hurt their feelings.
    I loved having everyone come back to the house. I really love this house for entertaining. It’s perfect for that.
    When you were all little, I loved making up stories to tell you guys. You were so cute and could charm a Peddler out of his wares for free. At least you charmed your Dad out of everything – 4 little perfect con artists – in reference to your Dad. He could not say no to any of you – still can’t.
    Now I have to add Christi to that…..She charms him too. Of course being a size 4 and barely 5 feet tall with huge blue eyes helps, not to mention she is sweet too.
    Oh, and the grandchildren are even worse. He is smitten totally with them. He is a 6’5″ , 270 pound man who melts when his kids or grandkids walk up. He becomes pure putty in their hands. Wish I did….I’m just the mother and wife. haha……He loves me too. I got several nice smooches while dancing with him. Cool…..
    I love you and can’t wait for your book to come out!!!!!

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