So… what is REALLY happening with my work? First let me say that Dame Lili’s post hit home with me yesterday. And something she shared that Stacia Kane said kept replaying in my head all through dinner and shows last night. We had friends over and I introduced my teen reader and her Mom to Veronica Mars. Oh, did they fall hard.
But I’ve seen the first episodes several times and while I still get sucked in, my mind was free to ruminate on a few things. Stacia Kane talked about how we become so focused on publishing as the business, we forget the magic of it.
This is so very true. I’ve completely been caught up in the publishing part and it’s not entirely healthy. This part is out of my control and no matter how hard I “will” the decision making to go faster, it doesn’t. I know I’m ready, that I can make deadlines. I crave this as a business or career to the point of madness sometimes. And to be brutally honest, it’s been the possibility of this happening that has kept me going the last couple of years because outside of writing/publishing, my personal life crashed in nightmare fashion in this economy. That ball of light—that MAYBE of me finally living a lifelong dream—kept me from curling up in a ball most days.
The other thing that helped? The actual writing of another book.
I was determined to do Foretold justice despite going through the personal trials. Working on that book kept me focused and I found a core of strength that surprised me. When my agent told me I’d knocked it out of the park, I realized if I can write a decent book through all that, I can write through anything. And like most writers, my confidence needed that boost. Writing Foretold took me away from the problems of my personal world. I immersed myself in Raven’s story and frankly, used her unmercifully. She was my escape. This turned out to be a very good thing. I truly feel this is one of the best books I’ve written. It was the book that made me realize I KNOW how to do this for real now.
But on this blog, I’ve also watched my sense of humor and wonder kind of fade away. I used to be mouthier, funnier and I shared the top and bottom of this climb fully. Then I stopped. Why?
In addition to dealing with a personal hell and the daily hope for THE CALL, I got scared I’d say something or share something I wasn’t supposed to and I’d lose out on a potential editor contemplating my book. For the longest time, I was also job hunting, so I’d take down the fun pictures, try to keep everything perfectly vanilla.
Blah. This is soooo not me. <G>
I’ve done this for over two years now. 27 months to be exact. Yes, things do happen behind the scenes. And no, I have not shared them here. For instance, I don’t share rejections. Dweller on the Threshold went out 27 months ago, so you know it has received rejections. Most are so full of compliments, I’m surprised they didn’t offer—but they have their reasons. But I’ve gotten so close. Over and over.
I’m still so very close I can taste it.
There have been times my excitement is running so high, I can’t sleep for days. Now, as far as Dweller—I’m not sure what will happen with that one. We still have editors we haven’t heard from and believe it or not, most really seemed to like the book. In 2008, when that book went out, the publishing world went through a crash, so Dweller’s timing was off. But several editors considered it for well over a year. One said she’d look again with a few rewrites. I may go ahead and try that because I love the world I created for Beri—I do miss Blythe and Dooby and the gang. (LOL-Dooby and the gang.) But Dweller is going to have to wait, because there is a lot more interest in my young adult trilogy.
Foretold went out last September and things actually started to happen in December and January. I didn’t and still don’t want to give details because I’m afraid to jinx something. I do have several places interested in the books and the daily wondering sometimes feels like it will kill me. Again, my only way to deal is to stay busy. I jumped into other writing projects, but this time I flipped between them too much. This is where that forgetting the magic fits in for me. I’m not disappearing into my work as I usually do because I feel that any day I’ll have to drop what I’m working on to jump back into my Norse young adult world. And honestly, I love that world something fierce so I really want to.
So… since I promised honesty, I will say this. I have to drop out of Kaz’s summer writing camp because my feelings were right. <g> The rest of my summer will be focused on some rewrites of Foretold. Hopefully, I’ll be able to share the why of this soon. But even now, I’m hesitating to hit the publish button because there is no guarantee here. Remember that, there is never a guarantee. Things change quickly.
But why am I sharing anyway? Because I have some dedicated readers here. I know most of us read off feeders these days and comments are down, but I check my stats and know you’re still hanging with me, that quite a few of you are waiting for that news along with me. You guys deserve to know what’s going on. The emails I’ve received after posting snippets at the Deadline Dames stay close to my heart. I’m so glad to have excitement for my books out there. I’ve said it before and I say it again, you guys rock. So stick around. One of these days, you’ll visit and there it will be. I’m starting to really believe that again. 🙂